The Money Taboo
By Ella Murdock Gardner
As children, many Americans are taught that it’s rude or inappropriate to discuss money, even among close friends and family. This social norm carries into adulthood, and most people avoid the subject without even fully understanding why. In fact, according to a recent study by Capital Group, Americans are more comfortable talking to their friends about mental health, addiction, marital discord, politics, religion, and sex than money. At Money Muse, we are trying to change this. But where does the money taboo come from? How does it function within our society? And how can we overcome the taboo in order to have productive, shame-free conversations about money?
The money taboo originated in the upper echelons of British society where discussing finances was considered gauche, and attitudes toward the money taboo still vary depending on race and class today. Under the pretext of good manners, upper-class families often keep financial details private to avoid feeling guilty for their affluence. Many middle-class families don’t talk about money in order to conceal their economic fragility and protect the idealized image of the independent family unit. Meanwhile, working-class people are more likely to openly discuss the difficulties of supporting themselves and their families under strenuous economic conditions. And as sociologist Frederick Wherry notes, there is a racial difference in the way that people speak about money. “By the numbers, the racial wealth gap between African Americans and whites is [roughly] one to 10, so it is hard to have a taboo around something that hardly exists for you,” he told The Atlantic.
Simply put, the idea that we shouldn’t talk about money only benefits people who don’t need to talk about money.
In fact, the money taboo actively contributes to inequalities in society. As writer and journalist Porochista Khakpour told Forbes, the cultural fear of talking about money means that “people are going to get cheated over and over, and it tends to be women, people of color, people in more marginalized positions.” It’s difficult to learn about finance when you’re dissuaded from discussing it, so the money taboo enables corporations to take advantage of people, whether through predatory lending practices or pay discrimination in the workforce.
Enter: The Community. As the founder of Money Muse, Stephanie Xenos heard from a number of clients who wanted to stay involved after their financial coaching sessions had ended. But she never seriously considered the idea of creating an online community until the COVID-19 pandemic forced many Americans out of their offices and on to their computers. “People are lonelier these days - we have fewer friends, and we belong to fewer organizations, so even though we’re more connected than ever because of the internet, it’s still difficult to form meaningful connections,” Xenos said. “When the coronavirus hit, I started challenging my own ideas about what community could look like online.”
For Xenos, who reached financial independence and retired from SpaceX at 32, the idea of an informed and supportive community was especially appealing. In college, as she scraped and saved to pay off student loans, opened a 401k, and began choosing investments, she never felt comfortable talking to her peers about finance. “It was just me and Google,” Xenos said. “I was always second-guessing myself, wondering whether it was safe to make important financial decisions based on what I read on the internet.”
So when Xenos set out to design The Community, she started by imagining what she would want as a new member. Structured around monthly themes and curated content, The Community will provide a space for women to share money stories, networking opportunities, a money book club, discounts on coaching sessions, Q + A sessions with Xenos, and exclusive events with experts in the field. Part of the reason it’s difficult to talk about money stems from the belief that our income and material wealth are somehow tied to our worth as people. Through engaging in open conversations in a supportive environment (money pajama parties, anyone?), members will be able to develop productive money mindsets, master their finances, and grow their wealth. And accountability programs like The Community are proven to work: in one study, peer groups helped Chilean micro-entrepreneurs save more, showing a 3.7-fold increase in deposits.
Xenos had initially planned to unveil The Community at the beginning of June. But amid international protests against police brutality, Xenos needed time to reflect and investigate her practices as a small business owner and community leader. “I have the opportunity to build something healthy and inclusive from the ground up, and I’m going to do everything in my power to make that a reality,” she said. Apart from donating to social justice causes and using her platform to promote BIWOC (Black, Indigenous, and Women of Color) in finance, Xenos has been considering ways to make her services more accessible to marginalized communities. Ultimately, Xenos hopes that The Community will create opportunities for open dialogue about stigmatized issues - money, yes, but also race.
With the launch of The Community only days away, Xenos is excited to belong to something bigger than herself. “When you’re an entrepreneur or business owner, you spend a lot of time working alone, and I want to co-create something,” she said. “Since The Community is just starting out, it’s truly going to be shaped by our members’ stories, wishes, and needs. The Community is for us!”